Little Bit of Wisdom

For two years I sent out a weekly broadcast to hundreds of people. The purpose of the "Little Bit of Wisdom" broadcast was to share brief bits of wisdom that offered insights to make life less of a puzzle and perhaps just a little bit easier if you take these bits of wisdom to heart. The content is compiled for you below. I hope you enjoy and will find these tiny bits of value to you and any with whom you may choose to share them.

February 2, 2005, Vol. 1 Issue 1
"Eat, drink and be merry" was probably terrific advice in the past, but in today's culture rampant with obesity and addictions, it's time to amend this old saying.
"Laugh, love and give thanks" will serve you far better.

February 9, 2005, Vol. 1 Issue 2
In this age of "more is better, bigger is better, new is better, etc." we can so easily lose track of the concept of moderation. "How much is enough?" is a key question to ask when clarifying needs, wants and desires and setting appropriate goals. When we know the answer to that question, we are on the way to achieving a marked degree of happiness. More is not always better!

February 16 2005 Volume 1 Issue 3
The next time you find yourself unable to achieve a goal you have set for yourself, ask "What is the payoff for not achieving this goal?" Many of us undermine our proclaimed success goals with behaviors developed at some time in the past, perhaps even when we were children. It worked then, so it's easy to continue that behavior even when it becomes destructive rather than constructive. The key to change in this kind of situation is awareness, honest -- even ruthless -- awareness, of the reasons we do what we do.

February 23, 2005 Volume 1 Issue 4
In many societies we get "points" for suffering. People gather around, sympathize, pity, offer assistance, give us breaks, etc. Thus, our cultures encourage us to look for and focus on the misery in our lives rather than the more positive aspects of life. Which focus in the long run is more likely to support a happy life? Which do you choose?

March 2, 2005 Volume 1 Issue 5
We have every right to expect a few key things from our work. These include

March 9, 2005 Volume 1 Issue 6
So many people in our society hate their jobs that "work" is frequently thought of only as "drudgery" and "struggle." I believe Confucius is credited with saying something like "Have a job you love and you will never work another day in your life." If my magic wand were functioning, we each would have jobs we love, the meaning of "work" would become "purposeful activity" and no one would ever again consider it a curse or the bane of our existence. (Perhaps my inner idealist is showing?)

March 16, 2005 Volume 1 Issue 7
The transfer of control over the life of an adolescent from parent to child is just like that old ice breaker of transferring a ball from beneath the chin of one person to beneath the chin of another. You have to

It's nearly heresy in our consumer based economy to turn away from buying whatever is pushed under our noses. But just because it's for sale doesn't give it value and just because you have the money doesn't mean you must buy it. First determine thoughtfully whether the item will serve you well in your life, however you may define "serve you well," then buy as you see fit.

Beyond the basic necessities of food, shelter, etc., keep in mind another quote from author Greg Iles, "Things actually worth buying are rare."

March 30, 2005 Volume 1 Issue 9
Money continues to be a top priority in the lives of most people in this world. With that in mind, I quote Suze Orman in her book "The Courage to be Rich" as she writes "The First Rule of Money: People first. Then Money. Then Things."

In a consumer driven society far too many of us have it exactly backwards as we buy more and more "things," work our hearts out for the money to pay for them and, for the most part, spend far too little of our time, attention and energy on the people we love.

April 6, 2005 Volume 1 Issue 10
One of the best quotes ever was on a Hallmark card: "Discipline is remembering what you want." Life is filled with myriad things and situations, delightful and not so delightful, that can distract us in a heartbeat, causing us to forget what we want.

Let go of the old ideas of discipline as being harsh, punishing, restraining and limiting. Rather see discipline as a finely honed tool designed to help you get what you really, really want.

Savvy, forward-thinking businesses recognize that investing time and energy in supporting their employees with eldercare responsibilities results in the following:

April 20, 2005 Volume 1 Issue 12
Whether you believe in them or not, here's the perfect horoscope ever from Rob Brezsny at www.freewillastrology.com:

"Act as if life is crazily in love with you: as if every force of nature longs to be of service to you: as if animals and children and well-adjusted adults are eager to see the best in you. Assume that secret helpers are working behind the scenes to assist you in becoming the gorgeous curiosity you were born to be. Visualize the possibility that the entire universe is endlessly conspiring to bring you exactly what you need, exactly when you need it."

April 27, 2005 Volume 1 Issue 13
We should consider every day lost on which we have not danced at least once. And we should call every truth false which was not accompanied by at least one laugh. - Friedrich Nietzsche

Dance, laugh, love yourself and others, find joy in what you are about! Life was not meant to be a lockstep of endless drudgery and long faces.

May 4, 2005 Volume 1 Issue 14
Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~ Dr. Seuss

For the best of wisdom in books, check out classics written for children. Simple and straightforward, they express the concepts on which the best of human society is based. We begin to stray from that wisdom when we forfeit our childlike nature . I'm not talking about "childish" as in foolish, silly and immature, but rather "childlike" in the sense of innocent, trusting and open to all the goodness that life can bring.

May 11, 2005 Volume 1 Issue 15
"I don't want you to get a swelled head." ~ Barbra Streisand on The Actors Studio, quoting her mother's reason for not praising her directly (although she praised her to other people).

Not all children have the strength of character demonstrated by Barbra Streisand. How many brilliant people have grown up unfulfilled, thinking they are mediocre and performing at that level, when in fact they could have lived extraordinary lives!

Children need and deserve appropriate praise for their accomplishments. Some will be extraordinarily outstanding and others will be not nearly so astronomical, but the praise should always follow. And don't forget: the same applies to adults because we never outgrow the need for honest praise.

May 25, 2005 Volume 1 Issue 17
A hundred times every day I remind myself that my inner and outer life depend on the labors of other men, living and dead, and that I must exert myself in order to give in the same measure as I have received. -- Albert Einstein

Our society teaches us that independence and self-reliance are things in which to take pride. "Needy! Not me!!!" becomes our mantra. Self-reliance is all well and good, but we are on this earth to support each other, taking turns supporting and being supported.

The natural progression as we mature is from dependence to independence to interdependence.

June 1, 2005 Volume 1 Issue 18
I'd be proud to have my son die for our country. -- Mother of a 4 year old boy

I cringed when my new neighbor said it some 25 years ago and immediately thought I would be much more proud to have my child live for our country. Despite events since then, I continue to believe living for one's country is the better choice. At the same time I recognize that we haven't yet reached the place of settling differences without violence at either the individual level or the world level. I and so many wait for the wisdom of peace to be truly recognized and implemented.

This Memorial Day weekend I wondered if my long lost neighbor's son has yet died for our country and I honor all the people who have made that sacrifice. And I honor all those who live for the peaceful resolution of conflict.

June 8, 2005 Volume 1 Issue 19
A dream can be a place to go when reality sucks. A dream can be motivational - maybe you'll realize you can achieve one of the features of your dream if you just accomplish one task. A dream can help you to be more creative in your "real" life. A dream can give you joy. -- Helen Riggs, Riggs Coaching..

Sometimes we "say" we want to achieve a certain cherished dream, but never do what's necessary to accomplish it. I see this as a natural need for all the benefits of having a dream combined with fear that if this particular dream is achieved there will be nothing else to shoot for -- life would not be as worthwhile without this dream. The answer? Accept that if you have had one cherished dream, you can have another when it is achieved, and another, and another, and...

June 13, 2005 Volume 1 Issue 20
Every time you give in to your fear you make your world that much smaller. -- Heidi Uptegrove, www.YouSAYDit.com.

Whether it's fear of failure, fear of success, fear of looking like a schmuck, fear of rejection or fear of whatever, fears limit us in developing our natural potential. It also commits us to living tiny little lives that can be just as miserable as wearing tiny little shoes after our feet are fully grown.

When you put the fear(s) to rest, you can then think bigger, act bigger, live bigger, and -- my personal favorite -- PLAY BIGGER!!

June 22, 2005 Volume 1 Issue 21
The Bugs Bunny approach to life: Wherever you pop out of your hole, deal with what's there. -- Writer Nevada Barr in "Hard Truth"

"Bloom where you are planted" is great truth, but it surely sounds way too passive compared to Bugs' approach. We too pop out of our holes in myriad places at myriad times and have to deal with what's there regardless of whether we want to or not. And Bugs always seems to deal with whatever with such relish!

June 29, 2005 Volume 1 Issue 22
The chains of habit are too weak to be felt until they are too strong to be broken. Samuel Johnson

Habit is by its very nature a default behavior. It's sort of mindless behavior: you don't have to think about it, just do it. This is fine for things like brushing your teeth, etc.

At the same time, how wasted will be your potential if you let that same mindless default behavior rule in the rest of your life! Living by choice, living by design, living deliberately -- these will give you a life that can be chock full of excitement, adventure, meaning and fulfillment.

July 6, 2005 Volume 1 Issue 23
Dealing with life's problems is often a lot like getting a snarl of yarn untangled. Gentle tugs on strategically placed strands are far more likely to ease the knots out. Rough pulling and yanking, trying to force the knots undone, so often only makes them tighter and the problems all the more difficult to unravel.

July 13, 2005 Volume 1 Issue 24
The number one reason why we do what we do is because we have no compelling reason to do something different. Thomas Leonard

That compelling reason may be avoiding pain or gaining pleasure or some combination of the two, but it must be compelling or we say to ourselves, "Things aren't so bad yet. I'll deal with it later." Too often it's easier to BMW (bitch, moan and whine) about the way things are without doing anything to change our circumstances. Change is usually an outcome of shifts in our thinking, behavior and/or environment and we are responsible for making those shifts.

How about you: BMW or accept responsibility for building the life you would prefer to live?

July 20, 2005 Volume 1 Issue 25
If you lose sight of what you want -- your vision -- you tend to settle for what you have. Richard Reardon, www.RichardReardon.com

Daily life seems to be filled with multiple events and people who bring in almost irresistible distractions. Regardless of whether your vision is for your business, your family and/or your life in general, you must keep tightly focused on that vision in order to achieve it. It follows that without the vision, you will focus on what already fills your life and tend to conclude that it's "not so bad." In other words you "settle."

July 27, 2005 Volume 1 Issue 26
The person who never makes a mistake probably isn't doing anything. Rita Emmett, author of The Procrastinator's Handbook

D you know someone -- you perhaps? -- who fears stepping out as a photographer, writer, entrepreneur, designer, __________ (just a few examples: fill in your own blank here) because your work isn't perfect yet? We see examples of accomplished practitioners and feel that we must measure up immediately or we will be a failure forever more. How much more discouraged can you feel?

Far more productive to recognize and accept that one must practice, practice, practice -- and practice some more -- in order to master a craft. No one starts out with any degree of excellence: we all start out as novices. Only through practicing our craft over and over do we reach a point of excellence. And we never, ever, reach a point of perfection.

July 28, 2005 Volume 1 Issue 26a
So many lovely responses to the Little Bit of Wisdom on procrastination! I'm delighted to receive so much confirmation that the broadcast is well received and appreciated. I just have to share with you access to the story behind one of the responses.

Visit http://www.forrestgreenslade.com/farrington.htm for an article about a truly gifted man, my dear friend Forrest Greenslade, who turns out to be the "Poster Child" for procrastination based on the desire to be perfect right from the git-go.

August 3, 2005 Volume 1 Issue 27
When you change the questions you ask yourself, you must get different answers. When you get different answers, you get a different life. Noah St. John, author of Permission to Succeed.

When you ask yourself "Why am I such a loser?" then your brain cannot NOT give you an almost limitless list of reasons why you are a loser. When you ask yourself "Why am I so successful?" then your brain cannot NOT give you an almost limitless list of reasons why you are so successful.

If affirmations aren't working too well for you, try asking yourself great questions with the kind of answers you would rather hear. For example:

August 10, 2005    Volume 1 Issue 28
Success is never permanent.........    Neither is failure.
                                                          Al Mendlovitz

Relish your ride on the tiger of success. Celebrate with your own personal ticker tape parade. Squeeze every drop of juice out of the happiness you are experiencing now.

The memories of your success will help sustain you when the tiger has dumped you and run off with someone else. In that inevitable time when you seem to be wrapped in failure, recognizing and accepting that both success and failure are temporary will make it infinitely easier to pick yourself up, dust yourself off and get back into the game.

August 17, 2005 Volume 1 Issue 29
Hold hands when you cross the street.
"All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten," Robert Fulghum

Too often crossing the 'streets' of our adult lives feels more like crossing the Grand Canyon on a tightrope. And perhaps you are also one who tends to be more willing to offer your hand to help and support someone else than to ask someone else to help and support you. Thus we needlessly walk the tightropes alone.

Regardless of who does the reaching out, experience often the warmth of holding hands with at least one other person who wants you to get safely from one side of the 'street' to the other. I promise there are others who would really appreciate holding hands with you.

SPENDTHRIFT
Each morn the sun has mint for me
A dollar, bright and gold;
And I have spent it recklessly
And bought what day has sold.

Though poor tonight, such poverty
Cannot retain me long;
I shall invest in starlight and
Be rich again by dawn.
"Wax Arrows," by William E. Mahoney

A part of the power of a poem lies in letting the reader interpret at will. This poem says it so complete that nothing more needs saying to have us thinking in multiple directions. Would you say it's

August 31, 2005    Volume 1 Issue 31
When it feels like work, there's something wrong.
                       Beth Woodward, CEK (Chief Executive Kid)
              www.MarketingonthePlayground.com

Would your business be more successful if you approached it with the commitment a toddler shows when building a sand castle? Would your solutions be more prolific if you approached your problems with the creativity of a kid? Would your goals be achieved more consistently if you addressed them like a kid learning to ride a bike? Would your life be more fulfilling if you lived it with the spontaneity of a child?

I believe the answer to all these questions is a resounding "Yes!" Kids never give up, are infinitely creative, endlessly curious, totally determined and delightfully spontaneous when they play. Maybe we should pay attention to the best being offered by the kid inside each of us. Maybe we should work less and play more.

September 7, 2005 Volume 1 Issue 32
It takes a lot of guts to be an optimist.
Ruth Ledesma

Survivors of Hurricane Katrina are the embodiment of optimism and sheer guts. While many will make the decision to move away from hurricane territory, far more will do whatever it takes to go right back 'home.' So long as courageous, gutsy people like these can come back from such wrenching disaster, there is hope for our society.

And so long as outpourings of compassion and generosity continue from those less directly affected, there is hope for humanity.

If you choose, for example, to be crabby early on in your life, then you will be horrendously crabby later. Or you may choose to be loving and compassionate and watch these traits bloom even more powerfully as your life progresses. Granted this particular wisdom may not apply across the board, but it is true enough to warrant our taking a close look at our behavior no matter our ages.

Your life is all about choice. It's all about the choices you are making right now.

In the stillness of your soul lies the recognition that love simply "is" and there is never any demand for giving it or returning it. Allow others the freedom to express their love to you with no constraints.

Workaholism is rampant and one of the few addictions approved in the American culture. After all, social pressure indicates the two most valuable roles we fill are that of worker and consumer: all else comes in much further down the priority scale, even family. Certainly with many people long hours of work is a matter of family survival, but beyond that economic level, it has nothing to do with family.

The plaintive "I don't have time for..." is a reflection of an unhappy life lived on someone else's terms. It's your life, your time, your choice re what you do. You set your own priorities; you make your own commitments.

We spend a lot of time figuring out what the norms are for behavior, dress, etc. so we can fit in with the people we hang out with, whether it be the circle of friends at school or the corporate environment or whatever. We don't want to be rejected by the "tribe."

The tribe will think far more highly of you for having the courage to be your authentic self in behavior, dress, etc. than it will ever approve you for conformity. In dress, for example, your authenticity and the confidence to dress to reflect who you are is what the tribe will love, not your uniform. It's one of those Divine Paradoxes we find so often in life.

What is it about us that we feel we must reciprocate when someone says "I love you"? Perhaps it's a socio/psyco/genetic imperative? Or maybe we are on the receiving end of manipulation? We tend to keep score on the "good" things someone has done for us (as well as the "bad"), but that negates the very essence of what love is all about. Obligation has no place in the realm of love, whether it be in the mind of the giver or the recipient.

A sincere expression of appreciation and gratitude is certainly in order. Otherwise, there are no strings attached to the genuine gift of love.

October 19, 2005 Volume 1 Issue 38
We have inside us everything we need to create our lives as we choose. Like a painter mixes primary colors of red, blue and yellow to get an infinite variety of colors for a unique painting, you too can mix basic values, beliefs and goals to get infinite variations on life so that yours will reflect exactly who you are and your purpose in being on this planet earth.

October 26, 2005 Volume 1 Issue 39
Let your candles burn not for the dread of Darkness, but for the love of Light.
Ruth Ledesma

Part of the old time religion, as well as discipline for children, was centered around fear of negative consequences. Many today, both in religious arenas and in the home, are placing a greater emphasis on the rewards of "good" behavior. Odds are it's a spectrum and each of us falls somewhere far from either extreme.

November 2, 2005 Volume 1 Issue 40
I've always wanted to write a book, but...
Unknown Numbers of Talented People

Whatever reasons you may have had while you waited for "someday" to arrive, you just lost your excuses. The time to write is NOW! The exciting new Wildflower Writing^sm Program is being unveiled this week. If you or someone you know has a book inside you, contact me ASAP. I'll be happy to send along a full description of the program and a listing of major mistakes writers make when they are working on a book. There is also a significant discount for anyone who enrolls in the Wildflower Writing^sm Program through this e-mail.

Would you rather wait for your pipedream to come true "someday" or turn out a terrific manuscript?

November 9, 2005 Volume 1 Issue 41
Life is drawing without an eraser.
Unknown

Whatever lines we draw in life are permanent. Whatever images we create are there for all time. Even when life offers us a 'second chance,' we still have used precious time and energy on a first attempt that didn't work out the way we wanted.

November 16, 2005 Volume 1 Issue 42
One can learn from the absence of something just as well as from the presence of something.
Diane Hewat, www.Lodestar-Coaching.com

We tend to notice more the lessons we learn when something comes into our lives and provokes us to grow and learn. A new job, a new relationship, a new responsibility are examples.

At the same time we can learn quite effectively from the 'absence of.' Examples might include things like no encouragement when you most need it, a longed-for child that is never born, an opportunity that never shows up for you, and more. It may take a tad longer to see the lessons in these circumstances, but I assure you they are there, sometimes leading to sadness, sometimes to joy, and everything in between.

November 23, 2005 Volume 1 Issue 43
Intuition trumps logic.
Jaye Myrick, www.JayeMyrick.com

We've all had times when the logical course of action "just didn't feel right." Or "my gut just said 'NO.'" Or "I knew it in my bones." Regardless of how you express it in words, you are tuning into your intuition. In the game of life, your intuition is always right regardless of whether it agrees with logic or not!

Give this some thought until next week when I will share some of the things that frequently trump intuition, causing us to doubt both our intuition and ourselves.

November 30, 2005 Volume 1 Issue 44
Fear trumps intuition.
Jaye Myrick, www.JayeMyrick.com

The game of life has some very specific rules, among them the quote from Jaye Myrick last week, 'Intuition trumps logic.' But intuition is often a still small, voice in a storm (to switch metaphors briefly) when there are other factors in play. Fear is definitely a trump card for almost any hand.

Review your life and think about when fear has trumped you -- when you would have won the hand if you hadn't backed out in fear.

Next week I'll give you another major trump card to consider. With intuition being such a strong force, one that is always right, it staggers the mind that there can be so many other things that outweigh it.

December 7, 2005 Volume 1 Issue 45
Busy-ness trumps both logic and intuition.
Ruth Ledesma

Running helter-skelter from one activity to another, doing this and at the same time trying to do that -- the despicable multitasking -- leaves no time or energy to pay attention to either logic or intuition.

When one is so very busy playing the game of life, the voices of both intuition and logic can not be heard when planning a strategy for winning the game -- assuming you have a strategy -- hmmmm. . .

December 14, 2005 Volume 1 Issue 46
Unmet needs (and more) trump both logic and intuition.
Ruth Ledesma

This is the last of these, I promise! I don't have to define for you or give examples in people's lives, for you have already seen all this. Add strongly held convictions and beliefs which may well be inaccurate, along with some childhood training best outgrown, and you can pretty much take it from here yourself.

My challenge to you is to do an end-of-year assessment of your life. Hold it up to the light and pick off the unmet needs, any erroneous beliefs, the fears, the busy-ness, etc. as you would pick off burrs from your pants legs after a walk in the fields. Prepare yourself to start 2006 with a much clearer understanding of yourself and how you make your decisions.

Life is too sweet and too precious! Engage in it with all the excellence you can muster.

December 21, 2005 Volume 1 Issue 47
Happy Holidays!
Ruth Ledesma & a Ton of Other Respectful People

The various religions of the world are based on the various faiths of the world and they include a multitude of rituals and holidays. The sincerity of believers in all faiths is humbling and I can feel only immense respect for their devotion.

Since December is particularly filled with holidays of several religions, I invite you to use the greeting that most demonstrates your respect for the other person's faith. If you aren't sure of the other person's faith or are addressing a larger, mixed-faith group, "Happy Holidays" is probably the default greeting of choice.

At this time of year Love is often shown through generosity. Show your loving regard through respect as well.

I wish you the very happiest of all holiday seasons, filled with love in all its manifestations.

December 29, 2005 Volume 1 Issue 48
Time for New Year's Resolutions!
A Gazillion Optimists

The beginning of each new year is often seen as as a time for a fresh start, a chance to succeed this time. If you just are diligent enough, work hard enough, put in enough time, (fill in the blank with whatever you think will make the difference), you will succeed this time... Too often the outcome is the same as last year and the year(s) before.

One thing that can make the difference between another failure and success is an analysis of the past year and learning the lessons your experience has offered you. Here are some excellent year end questions to answer for yourself:

January 04, 2006 Volume 2 Issue 1
I want to adopt that Siamese cat, please.
Ruth Ledesma, eternal optimist

My guest Siamese had been such a lady that I figured "How bad can it be?" So off I went to the local Animal Shelter and immediately fell under the spell of a five year old Siamese Tom Cat who drools when scratched around his ears, under his chin and on his belly.

Dooley (Tom Dooley, Drooley Dooley, Dooley Darling, Big Boy, etc., etc.) is now home and won't willingly come out from under the end table beside the sofa in the guest room. He didn't use the litter box for a tad over 48 hours but I dragged him into the bathroom and promised he wasn't coming out of there until he did his business. I guess the pressure was on (Sorry, can't help double entendres). Round 1 to me.

Now he's on a hunger strike, but Siamese are not stupid and I can be patient to the extreme. Round 2 will also be mine! (Hey, hey, hey...)

The lesson in the story so far: Expect the unexpected. Know with every fiber of your being that all will be well.

January 11, 2006 Volume 2 Issue 2
We spend a bit of time at the beginning of each year assessing the past accomplishments and setting goals for the coming year -- and this is a good, productive thing to do. How much more productive might it be if we did the same kind of thing at the end of each day?

Sounds deeply romantic, but in fact the concept covers far more than romantic love. The difficulties with the recent adoption of Dooley, my Siamese cat, are a case in point.

Dooley engaged in hunger strikes, deliberate mishaps with the litter box, and even an attempt or two to bite. I continued to love him (and to tell him so repeatedly), kept the solid intention that he must comply with my house rules, and gave lavish praise when he was being good. (Probably didn't hurt to tell him in no uncertain terms that I had just saved his precious life from that kill shelter and I expected him to behave himself!) He even came through his visit to the Spay/Neuter Clinic like a champion. Dooley's nickname may now sometimes be Castrato Cat, but he is the epitome of a perfect gentleman.

Love, genuinely felt and demonstrated often, can indeed overcome pretty much any obstacles life can throw at us. Dooley is just the most recent in the many, many examples in my life.

January 25, 2006 Volume 2 Issue 4
Become a Problem-Free Zone.
Thomas Leonard

As a consummate problem-solver, my most consistent response to this statement has been "Oh, no! Not me!" Without problems I lose opportunities to demonstrate a stellar part of my identity. Like many people, I have probably even created problems (subconsciously, of course!) just to make life more interesting.

With the help of my fabulous coach, Jaye Myrick, a better way has occurred to me: Just as a heroin addict can switch to methadone, I have switched from solving problems to addressing questions (notice I didn't say 'answering' questions). I get all the fun of discovery without the negative side effects.

Along the way, I may even come up with some better questions. :-) I'm on my way to being a Problem-Free Zone!

February 1, 2006 Volume 2 Issue 5
I don't have problems. I have challenges and opportunities.
Myriads of People who prefer a Positive Outlook

Call it semantics if you like, but a problem, as such, tends to be linked with difficulty. Challenges and opportunities sometimes come with difficulty, but certainly not always.

"Difficulty" in the on-line thesaurus gives synonyms of adversity, arduousness, awkwardness, barricade, block, check, complication, crimp, crisis, crux, dead end, deadlock, deep water, dilemma, distress, emergency, exigency, fix, frustration, hardship, hazard, hindrance, hitch, hot water, hump, impasse, knot, labor, laboriousness, mess, misfortune, muddle, obstacle, obstruction, pain, painfulness, paradox, perplexity, pickle, predicament, quagmire, quandary, scrape, snag, stew, strain, strait, strenuousness, struggle, tribulation and trouble. "Problem" synonyms are similar.

Granted you may have genuine challenges and opportunities that would not qualify as problems. However, keep in mind that the easiest person to deceive is yourself. Are problems in your life masquerading under a euphemism? If so, I ask you again, "What would it take for you to embrace the concept of being a Problem-Free Zone?"

February 8, 2006 Volume 2 Issue 6
The easiest person to fool is yourself..
James Randi (I think)

I caught a snippet of a country music song in which the guy says "She thinks my tractor's sexy!" As a Southern woman raised on a farm, I can guarantee this is a perfect example of self-deception. A woman may find a man to be sexy for a number of reasons, including sometimes power and possessions, but I can assure you mechanical equipment on it's own is not and never will be sexy!

Although this song is an extreme example of delusion, we do it all the time. Witness the people who pull in their bellies in front of the mirror and believe it stays that way after they turn away and relax. Witness the man who thinks his comb-over hides his balding scalp. More examples can be found in every person's life upon close inspection.

What's the biggest thing you are deceiving yourself about? How would your life improve if you elected to accept the truth?

...a vintage Bugatti is really sexy and I don't need a man anywhere near it. I used to race cars when I was a girl and the 'throaty' noise of the exhaust on a race car still does it for me.
Jilly Shaul, the Naked Coach

I stand ready to admit that I was wrong in stating that mechanical equipment is not sexy to women. As in everything, there are always exceptions. Actually thinking about it, there is something very pleasing about both the sound and sight of a vintage Bugatti. Hmm...

So here's an idea: Are we being overly influenced by marketing and advertising as our society links "sexy" to everything? Are we shifting to thinking any sensory pleasure is sexual?

February 22, 2006 Volume 2 Issue 8
I have struggled my entire life to be what I already am and believe what I've always Known.
Connie Menefee

Sadly, we reject who we are and deny or doubt our own wisdom until -- if we are very lucky -- we finally figure out that the key to it all is acceptance, embracing our own authentic selves and relishing our own authentic truths. Indeed this is the source of a great deal of the struggle so rampant in many, if not most, of our lives.

This could be one of the hardest questions you may ever address, but I will ask it anyhow: "What would it take to accept and like yourself, just the way you are?"

March 1, 2006 Volume 2 Issue 9
Happiness in life comes in the production, not the consumption.
Jodi Thomas, author

What heresy in a consumer-based economy! The very idea points us in the exact opposite direction from almost all indicators we are given in our culture today. There would likely be a lot of debate about where happiness lies, for each person has the right to define happiness and its source for himself.

Are you defining happiness and its sources for yourself or are you accepting blindly the definitions and beliefs of others?

March 8, 2006 Volume 2 Issue 10
Fear says "You need _____ to be safe." Love says "You are already safe."
Beth Livingston, Tarot Consultant, www.owlsdaughter.com

Certainly fear can keep us from doing some really foolish things, but Beth's quote brings clearly to mind that fear is not always well founded. In fact, depending on the circumstances, inhibitions from fear can either support or undercut our success, even our happiness. Sometimes we need to respond to fear with a resounding "Thank You!" Other times a better response would be a gentle "There, there! Don't worry, Little One, I will be just fine."

March 15, 2006 Volume 2 Issue 11
Stir up the Cosmic Dust!
Val Williams, MCC

Wanting things to change is not enough to make -- or "let" -- it happen. Action is the key concept! Although I don't endorse doing just any old thing that comes to mind, that old quote about "Do something, even if it is wrong" has at least a modicum of merit.

Clean out the closets or the cupboards, get out and meet new people, update your resume, enroll in a class, volunteer to a cause close to your heart -- any positive action will get you moving and stir up the Cosmic Dust. You might be surprised how quickly your other goals move closer to completion.

March 22, 2006 Volume 2 Issue 12
Sometimes I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast.
Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland

Anything is possible when you fall down the rabbit hole. Life is filled with the unexpected and often outrageous. You can choose to reject it, accept it, fight it or embrace it (and everything in between), but you can't change that all kinds of things will come at you. What response will serve you best?

March 29, 2006 Volume 2 Issue 13
Who am I then? Tell me that first, and then, if I like being that person, I'll come up: if not I'll stay down here till I'm somebody else.
Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland

Don't know who you are? It's not as simple as staying down the rabbit hole until someone tells you. Your task is to figure out for yourself who you really are and to embrace that person. Certainly take into account what others say about you, but remember those opinions are only one of the many mirrors available to you. Assessments abound, experience speaks loudly and there are numerous programs and processes for delving into your true character. And just when you think you have nailed down who you are, you make an unexpected shift and find you have to start over again.

Blessed is the one who learns early on to live in the joy of delving and discovering that reality of personal identity as it changes and grows with time.

April 5, 2006 Volume 2 Issue 14
The scars of others should teach us caution.
Saint Jerome

They say smart people learn from their mistakes. Really smart people also learn from the mistakes of others.

April 12, 2006 Volume 2 Issue 15
Our attachment to what we think we know is our greatest vulnerability, for it can blind us to what we have not yet seen.
Hannah S. Wilder, MCC

No mind is so tightly closed as the one that believes it has the answer, not to mention possibly all the answers. And even when you have an answer, who is to say that a better one might not show up if you are open to the possibility?

Keep in mind that we all have different perspectives. Truth is not necessarily absolute, depending on the situation. Don't leave yourself at the mercy of closed-mindedness.

April 19, 2006 Volume 2 Issue 16
Be kinder than necessary........for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.
H. Jackson Brown, Jr., "Life's Little Instruction Book"

Given that most of us don't usually inquire beyond the polite facade of the people we meet, employ kindness as a matter of routine. You never know who needs it and will appreciate it.

April 26, 2006 Volume 2 Issue 17
Be careful of bright shiny objects!
Unknown

We typically need to keep our focus on the goal if we are to achieve it. Distractions only lessen the impact of our power of intention and tempt us to actions that have nothing to do with the goal.

The most tempting of distractions tend to be bright and shiny, sparkling and vibrant. "All the better to distract you, My Dear..."

May 3, 2006 Volume 2 Issue 18
I am sooooooo tired!
Countless numbers of people

High energy go-getters are quick to tell us that one has only to get up a little bit earlier to accomplish all kinds of terrific things we otherwise wouldn't have time for in our busy schedules. We have heard it so often that it has become a the major "should" in the collective consciousness of our society, eating away at the time we allow ourselves for sleep.

But wait! Falling asleep at the wheel causes a huge percentage of fatal auto accidents. Countless billions of dollars are lost by businesses because tired employees miss critical details. As if lives and dollars lost is not enough, the quality of lives are clearly deeply diminished when the routine is work all day, plop in front of the TV until bedtime and then sleep a few hours before the new day brings the same old thing all over again.

Let's get it straight: eight hours of sleep is the "average" amount needed for a body to function well. That means about half the people in the world need less than eight hours and about half need more than eight hours. So how did the "need less than" people become the arbiters for the rest of us?

Your challenge this week? Go to bed at least one hour earlier than you usually do. If you still feel tired, try for two hours earlier the following week. Add time for sleep until you can routinely wake up without the alarm clock. Then, and only then, are you getting enough sleep for your body.

May 10, 2006 Volume 2 Issue 19
Shifting sand makes a lousy foundation.
Unknown

People appreciate knowing where they stand: they love consistency on which to base their lives even when, like me, they are the adventurous type. We just seem to feel that there should be some constants in life.

When in charge of an organization, make very sure that those who inhabit it, either as employees or clients, have clearly articulated regs to guide their behavior. You are far less likely to have costly turnover.

Do you know where you stand? Do those around you know where they stand with you?

Setting precedents is all about laying down clear ground rules from the beginning. If you decide to change those ground rules as time goes on, you will be wise to ease up on the rules rather than to tighten up. A teacher, for example, will experience hostility if grading gets tougher as the term goes on, but will receive more positive feelings from the students if things get a bit easier.

The same is true of any relationship. If one spouse starts out taking most of the responsibility for a relationship being successful, resistance -- not to mention resentment -- is most often the outcome when the spouse later decides the responsibility should be more evenly distributed. Being more thoughtful of the other partner is always more welcome, but less thoughtfulness is another story entirely.

Envision how you want things to be years from now in a particular relationship or circumstance and then start as you plan to go on. Assuming you can easily change things later on to suite you better is the height of self-delusion.

May 24, 2006 Volume 2 Issue 21
I never promised you a rose garden.
Author, Joanne Greenberg

Too often we look at life and believe there are promises of great things to be. When the promises are fulfilled, we are delighted, but when the promises aren't met, we grow angry and resentful and look for someone to blame.

Far better to look for the origin of your belief in the promises. Did someone else actually guarantee you a wonderful outcome? Or did you assume a rosy outcome because it was something you wanted so fervently?

Look closely at your beliefs and expectations: are they grounded in fact or in your desires?

May 31, 2006 Volume 2 Issue 22
Life without a purpose; is like a luxury liner
maneuvering wildly through the
ocean without a rudder,
Poet, Nikhil Parekh

The pursuit of wealth, of status, of possessions, of constant stimulation -- these may seem purposeful at first glance, but serve about as well as a purpose in life as a toy oar would serve as a rudder on a luxury liner.

For many people in this world the purpose is simply to survive, but for the rest of us...

June 7, 2006 Volume 2 Issue 23
First keep the peace within yourself, then you can also bring peace to others.
Thomas Kempis

Just try holding on to your own peace when the strife of our society roars all around you. Takes a lot more than just a decision or a desire, doesn't it?

Purposeful living, dedicated to serenity and peace -- with big dollops of determination and luck -- will go far toward keeping you immune to the turmoil.

June 14, 2006 Volume 2 Issue 24
One cannot always run and hide from life. It's best never even to try, but simply to face what must be faced.
Mary Balogh, author

Stick your head in the sand if you like, but your butt is still in the air. Drink yourself into oblivion, but the situation is still there. Pretend everything is perfect, but odds are you don't really believe it way down deep in your heart.

And all the time you are running and hiding from a reality you don't like, the situation is likely deteriorating for lack of constructive attention and action.

June 21, 2006 Volume 2 Issue 25
Judge yourself by your intentions and the strength with which you face your challenges.
Oma de Sala, Ascended Being on Stargate, SG1

We live so much in an action-oriented culture, a results-oriented win-or-lose culture, that focusing on intentions requires a solid change of perspective. Not to say that results don't count, but what shifts would come about if we focused more on the intentions?

And how would we change the choices we make if we valued more the courage with which we face life's challenges than we value overcoming those challenges? Would we be less likely to choose "safe" challenges that we know we can meet? Would we be more inclined to accept risk of failure?

We all judge ourselves: too often to the point of deciding we are unworthy as human beings. Are we using the most productive criteria?

June 28, 2006 Volume 2 Issue 26
We are not physical beings having a spiritual experience. Rather we are spiritual beings having a physical experience.
Pierre Teilhard DeChardin

This perspective is diaemetrically opposed to what we normally assume and has great value in shaking up our thinking. But is it true? Beyond which is true, it seems needful to question whether the truth must be either one or the other. Couldn't both perspectives be true?

If indeed we are to think of ourselves as "whole" beings, then that unified whole would be spiritual, physical, mental, emotional, etc. All of consciousness perhaps?

July 5, 2006 Volume 2 Issue 27
It's much easier to take something apart than to put it back together.
Ruth Ledesma

In our society a lot of emphasis is placed on analytical skills -- loosely speaking, the ability to separate a whole into its constituent parts for individual study. Picking something apart -- a clock for example -- to see how it works is all well and good, but at some point one must put it all back together correctly for it to continue to operate as intended. As the old song says, "You can't have one without the uh-uh-uh-ther."

So how about equal billing for the ability to synthesize -- combining separate elements or substances to form a coherent whole!

July 12, 2006 Volume 2 Issue 28
The grandest scheme of all is self-delusion.
Gary Hamby

"Scheme" by the most common definition is "To make plans, especially secret or devious ones." We come across them all the time for making easy money, finding the love of your life, becoming a star, losing a ton of weight, etc. Some schemes are workable and some are delusions.

July 19, 2006 Volume 2 Issue 29
COMPROMISE, n. Such an adjustment of conflicting interests as gives each adversary the satisfaction of thinking he has got what he ought not to have, and is deprived of nothing except what was justly his due.
Ambrose Bierce, American Writer & Journalist

Many say life is all about compromise. Others say never compromise. The fact is there are areas in which compromise is deadly to the soul and others in which compromise is simply good manners -- and every kind of situation in between.

Learn what is essential for you and what is not. Then you can easily bend on the non-essentials while still retaining your integrity.

July 26, 2006 Volume 2 Issue 30
We often want a chance to give what we did not receive.
Anonymous

When a person's need isn't met, he often develops a driving desire to get that need met, no matter how long it takes. This is the more common psychological view.

But some people, including me, remember the pain of the unmet needs and are filled with the desire to prevent others from experiencing that same pain, to give to someone else that which we have not received.

August 2, 2006 Volume 2 Issue 31
Why do we give to others?
A great introspective question

That which motivates humankind to give to others remains a mystery, probably because there is no one single motivator. A few biggies come to mind:

Last week I listed some common motivators for giving. Here's another motivator that doesn't fit the usual self-interest mold. Many say that gratitude and appreciation are among the emotions that bring us closest to union with God, the Universe, whatever-you-want-to-call-it. And from that union, I believe originates some of the greatest giving ever.

Note: Not only is my friend Sue a terrific graphic designer, but a most insightful thinker as well. She was quick to remind me of one of the biggies I left out last week when I mentioned some frequent motivators for giving. Thanks, Sue!

August 16, 2006 Volume 2 Issue 33
Courage is like a muscle. The more we exercise it, the stronger it gets.
John McCain, U.S. Senator

As nations and as individuals, we all need courage to stand for what we believe, courage to meet the challenges that inevitably come, and more.

Examples abound in which one would need extraordinary courage -- I know I am not the only one who could list quite a few incidents in my own life. Just life itself sometimes seems to require a hefty dose of courage.

August 23, 2006 Volume 2 Issue 34
The most you can do is get it right some of the time.
Pamela Britton, Author

Perfectionist will cringe at this, but it is true nonetheless. You cannot expect yourself to get it right all the time!

Another quote from Don Miguel Ruiz in his Four Agreements is, "Always do your best." He goes on to explain, "Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse, and regret."

August 30, 2006 Volume 2 Issue 35
Perfectionism is the highest form of self-abuse.
Unknown

Many, many of us tend to hold ourselves to a higher standard than we would anyone else. A great question to ask is "Would you condemn a child for doing this?" If the answer is "no," the odds are you are engaged in this form of abusing yourself.

Each of us is growing at his/her own pace. Just as a child learns ways to keep from spilling milk, we all learn ways to prevent mistakes, but we never learn how to prevent them all.

Give yourself a break! Cut yourself some slack! No one on this earth has figured it all out and never makes mistakes. In other words, no one on this earth is perfect -- including you!!!!!!!

Note: My friend Helen Riggs of Riggs Coaching, shared this quote with me. She sends out an occasional little broadcast called "Routine Wonders." Check it out and subscribe if you like.

September 6, 2006 Volume 2 Issue 36
Just get a new one: this one isn't worth repairing
Unknown

Excluding personal experience with emerging technology (see below), we live in an acquisitive society. More often than not we move to a bigger/newer house (or car or any number of consumer items) rather than expand/repair the one we have. Too often we look for new relationships rather than cultivating the ones we have. The best selling words in TV ads are "new" and "improved" and "bigger." So why bother to keep well maintained the things we already have? Our culture implies that they are all disposable items anyhow.

Next time you are tempted with something that is "new," "improved" and/or "bigger," pause just a moment to evaluate whether you really need it or whether the good old Tried-and-True you already have will continue to serve you well if you just give it a bit of loving care.

Note: I just bought a new laptop computer. Not because the old one didn't work, but because the new one was lighter weight, had more memory and is reputed to run faster, not to mention a lot more bells and whistles. The speed is great because I still haven't found a computer that responds as fast to commands as I give them (the poor thing gets soooo confused!). And lugging 5 lbs. in an airport for hours beats the socks off hauling around 15 lbs. But other than those two factors, I would be just as well off with the computer I had three versions earlier and my bank balance would be considerably happier.

We need to keep in mind the difference between recycling things and treating things as disposable items. I think there are two key criteria for keeping things in our lives:

If those two criteria aren't met, then it's time to replace with something that *will.*

When those things leave our personal space, recycling them by letting them go to someone or some purpose that will continue to derive value from them is incredibly better for you and for the world than simply throwing them away.

The movie was a romantic tragedy in the best of traditional ways. But the message is timeless. No matter what we seek in the short term, we always find ourselves happiest when we are loving and being loved in return. Witness the way you feel when you fall in love with that perfect person who loves you back without restraint. Witness the way you feel when you hold your baby and the adoration is mutual.

Who do you love? Are you loved in return? If the answer to either question is 'no,' then what is your first step in that direction?

What's the fun of trying if you're sure you'll win? There's such a sense of triumph in beating the odds, and even in just trying to.

What is it about us that we can't resist a challenge? How much more dull and boring can it be if you know you will always win, always succeed?

I'm sure this has been a major factor in my life as I have moved from one career to another to another to another -- the need to meet the challenge, to beat the odds. The most rewarding part of being a creative strategist, is figuring out the most elegant strategy for winning.

Call it what you like: a need for adventure, the essence of being a risk-taker, addiction to adrenaline, whatever. But it sure does add spice to life!!!!

Failure isn't an ending...it's just a place to stop for a while and consider your options. You try again or try something else.

Too often we feel crushed when we fail at something and wonder how to go on afterward. But in fact failure brings many lessons. Some help us play the game of life a bit more conservatively. Some give new direction for moving full steam ahead. Looking back at a failed endeavor can bring tremendous clarity that enriches your life far more perhaps than success might have done.

The New Orleans Public Library lost most of their collection during and following the horror that was Katrina. They are now accepting donations, but ask that they not be direct because of their warehousing and processing problems.

If you are an individual donating your personal collection, or an organization that has held a book drive on their behalf, please send your book donations to Better World Books (BWB). This company can process and sell many more books than can NOPL, and will give them a share of the proceeds.

BWB will accept all pre-paid book donations, but NOPL encourages you to follow its guidelines at

BETTER WORLD BOOKS
Attn: Rebuild NOPL
55740 Currant Road
Mishawaka IN 46545

The Post Office will accept books at the "bound material" rate, which is less expensive than Parcel Post.

What prevents each in its own way and in its own time being just as important as the other?

I've decided goals must pleasure and motivate me, not drive me into walls. I remind myself that many goals exist to be relinquished, like seeds not meant to germinate.

Do your goals give you pleasure? Do they motivate you in the best of ways? Or do some of them drive you into walls? Are some of them seeds that would serve you best by not germinating?

When I knit, as when I write, I find myself in ecstatic participation in a divinely animated world.

What gives you this feeling of 'ecstatic participation in a divinely animated world'?

Personally, I'm a big one for designing things: mostly homes, interiors, landscapes and clothing. If the beauty doesn't occur naturally, I create it. I could easily aver that my lifetime of helping others develop their beautiful potential is just another variation on that theme. In fact, I occasionally tease that I am an artist and my clients' lives are my medium. ;-)

How does beauty show up in your life? More to the point, how does beauty show up in what you do with your life?

The 'antiviral' agent of choice is the elegant solution, defined as 'gracefully concise and simple, admirably succinct.'

Never Lie, steal, cheat or drink. But if you must, then lie in the arms of the one you love, steal away from bad company, cheat death or drink in the moments that take your breath away.

Whether they be books, movies, songs or whatever medium, it's impossible to resist stories that hold treasures like this quote. And how marvelous it is when these treasures are combined with humor and love for self and other people!

Within the parameters listed above, you now have permission to go out and lie, steal, cheat and drink!!!

Just when you think you have all your ducks in a row and they are quacking in harmony, something unexpected happens and you have to start herding those ducks once again. "Alligators to stomp" or "fires to put out" or whatever term you may use, suddenly you are surrounded by them.

So how to keep from being blindsided? Expect the unexpected and devise contingency plans for even the most outlandish possibilities -- even if it is only in your mind. Then focus on the most propitious scenario and give it all you've got!

Keep your eyes on the prize and, at the same time, be ready to corral those duck at the drop of a hat.

How many times have you heard the old saying that "Knowledge is power"? And how many times have you accepted the truth of it without questioning? This quote is a prime example of the value of enquiry when it comes to conventional wisdom.

While I don't agree that this factor is the *only* thing that defines us, I certainly think the way we deal with adversity is critical. We have the option to whine, blame others, give up, etc., but ultimately we tend to get on with our lives in some fashion or other. "Falling" seldom results in the end of the world.

We have some pretty productive options as well. These include taking responsibility for what is ours, learning our lessons from the fall, doing what it takes to minimize the impact of the fall, and refocusing our lives on what is working rather than on what hasn't worked for us. And I am sure you can come up with more.

So --- How well do *you* rise after falling? What can you do to make that rise faster and easier?

Whatever the season may be for you: Kwanzaa, Christmas, Hanukkah, Solstice, etc., I wish you the best, the most delightful, the most delicious, the most marvelous of all holiday seasons. Whatever the name, all of these celebrations in the midst of winter give us a time for reflection on who we are and why we are here on this earth. Find the time to reconnect not only with yourself, but with all those who enrich your life with their presence.

A great way to review the past year is to answer these questions, formulated first I believe by eminent coaches Shirley Anderson, MCC, and Jaye Myrick, MCC:

2. List the mistakes, regrets, things you wish you hadn't done or said in the past year.

I'm off on my next grand career adventure! I have spent eight lovely years as a full-time professional coach to a gracious plenty of delightfully creative folks, helping them at a very fundamental level to figure out what they really, really want and then how to get it. It's been a joy filled ride and will continue to be so, but on a much smaller scale. The time has come to shift my primary career focus to a new endeavor.

I am now a licensed realtor in North Carolina, associated with Keller Williams Realty, Mountain Partners in Hendersonville, just a little south of Asheville, NC, smack in the middle of the heavenly Blue Ridge Mountains. As an exclusive buyer's agent, I will continue to help my clients figure out and get what they want -- only now we will focus on the Just Right House.

The Just Right House is defined rather loosely in terms Goldilocks made famous: "Not to big, not to small, but just right!" The Just Right House is not to fancy, not too plain, not to pricey, not too cheap, etc., but just right to fit the individual style of the people living there. I believe with all my heart that living in a Just Right House brings near infinite benefits in peace and happiness.

I ask that you please think of me when you are ready to buy or sell a home. Even if it isn't in my beloved Blue Ridge Mountains, I can refer you to an outstanding realtor pretty much anywhere in North America. After all, I *do* have this enormous Golden Rolodex. And if you decide to join me in this wonderful place that I call home, I would be honored to serve you personally.

...a man decides whether he's going to be scared or not. That decision determines whatever he does after that.

There's an excellent book, Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway by Susan Jeffers, that contends fear is normal and OK, so long as one gets on with life, not allowing the fear to dictate. Others will say that if we are truly brave, we don't really feel any fear. You can maintain that you are fearless or that you are brave and courageous in the face of fear. There is wisdom here, regardless of which stand you take,

Much more important is to recognize that all our actions stem first from choices about who we are, specifically referring here to being cowardly or courageous. After the "who" comes the "what" -- every time.

So much of life is about choice: be brave or be cowardly, be strong or be weak, be loving or be hateful, be ... you get the idea. The determination -- perhaps what could be called 'strength of character?' -- that I have found within me is in fact the 'invincible summer' Camus mentions.

With a touch of Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD), I choose in the cold darkness of winter to live as though it were warm and bright summer. I can use a light box or spend more than the usual time outside. And it helps to surround myself in bright jewel colors, to sleep more than usual snuggled under warm comforters and to talk with cherished friends and family.